One of those days
I feel so fucking down. Like I can’t do fucking anything right. I just hate where I am and hate so many things involved with growing up and moving on. It’s just such bullshit. I don’t want any of it. But I know it’s necessary and work And effort I need to put forth.
School is drowning me, I have 2 weeks left and all A’s so I’m very close to getting there but ughhhhh. The projects and finals are killing me and the time constraints on it are just so limiting. Losing weight is just hard. I just want to eat bread okay? I fucking like bread. And cheese. It’s bullshit. I get it. If losing weight was easy they wouldn’t call it “working out”. I get it. I do. But it is so hard and I don’t know how to find the drive to eat healthy everyday or go to the gym or anything. Ugh. AND looking for a job seems so futile. Motivation is so hard for me. Maybe not even that. Commitment. I can’t commit to anyone or anything and it’s weighting me down.
I don’t think Portland is going to magically change anything or make it all better or melt my problems away. It’ll be hard. I’ll be on my own with so much more responsibility and no safety net like my family to fall back on but it’s my choice, my decision, my problems, and MY life. I will make my own shit and deal with it on my own. Fuck. Just want to sleep and then wake up in Portland.